Here are three random items which fate has conspired for me to share. They could not be more unrelated. They run the gamut from wholesome to hardcore, sweetly innocent to simply druckin hysterical. Ready? Keep your hands and feet inside the blog at all times.
First, as usual, awesome pal Adra weighed in with this. WARNING: there are curse words. Written by a third-grader. Which only increases their hilarity:
That’s from a blog called And I Am Not Lying. The post engendered (what else) a helluva lot of bitching about the quality of American education and so on, and you can read Jeff Simmermon’s hysterical summation of all the comments here, under Bitches Lost Their Minds.
Then there’s The Hollywood Temp Diaries — biting, acerbic, making fun of Hollywood bigwigs with much smaller… bank accounts… than they would have you believe. Word on the street is that this brilliant gal is an NU grad — you make me proud, kiddo.
Disney recently requested in a Pirates of the Caribbean casting call that no implants were allowed. This was the Hollywood Temp’s interpretation of said request:
Pervy old white men (ages 45-54) who aren’t getting any from their wife, seek young, impressionable and desperate women to leer at. Will use the convenient excuse of casting a major motion picture so it doesn’t feel so lecherous. Please, please have nice titties. None of this Pam Anderson stuff. If I wanted that, I’d go Crazy Horse or Cheetah’s. Be prepared to take your top off for no particular reason. Did I mention that you need to have nice titties?
And now for the wholesome part of the program! Thank you, awesome pal Bri, for reminding me that This Is Why You’re Fat is still out there, waiting for me, like a comforting bacon mug filled with melted cheese:
I cannot leave you with that. Instead, this, which I think you should make for me ASAP and fork-feed it to me in my new big girl bed while we watch Diners, Drive-Ins & Dives. When can I expect you?