I have no idea how to write this post without sounding bitchy. May I tell you about yet another bad date? It’s not that I want to mock this guy. It’s nothing personal. And maybe we can all share a good laugh about it later. We’ll start at the scene of the crime:
No mechanical bull. Plenty of bullshit, though.
I met him at this same pub a month ago, but this was our first date. I soon learn that he’s on a strict regimen of yoga, fat-free foods, and additive-free cigarettes. YUM! Two drinks and 30 minutes later, he says, “Let’s get out of here. I live two blocks away.” What? We just got here.
So I say, “No thanks, guess I’ll go home now.” And here’s where my courteous instincts may have gotten me into hot water — I offer to drop him off. Because he’d walked, and I had my car, and it was a shivery, damp 45° out. And he isn’t a BAD guy. Not at all. Just not the guy for me.
Once we get in the car, he asks if i want to come to his house and have sex. (!!!!!) At first I think (read: hope) he’s joking. So I laugh nervously, “No, no, no.” He assumes that I’ve misunderstood his generous offer, saying, “Wait, no, I mean — make love, or whatever you call it.” At this point, I have no idea what to say, except dude, how hard UP do you think I am?!
Giggity.
Who SAYS that?! What guy says that? You HOPE for that. You crank up some Barry White, you pour some brandy, you ask for a backrub. You give it your best shot, and fair play to you — but buy me two drinks and think I’m going to open up to you in the biblical sense? I think not.
Anyway, the date ended with me using my signature Urlacher head-fake to dodge the gaping cavern of his mouth as he tried to swallow my head/kiss me goodbye. As I said to galpal Ashley afterward, what a waste of makeup.
But at least that’s one more guy in LA whom I know is not for me! According to this article, that means one down, about 500,000 to go.
Mother Drucker 
What was that dude thinking? Seriously WTF! Glad you went the other direction.
thanks sugarplum. i let all the good ones get away!! 🙂
We sure had a lot of good times together!
At least he didn’t assume you were his girlfriend during the first date. That’s an awkward correction to make over chips and salsa… 😉
haha love it! but then i’d think, at least THIS dude is ready to make a commitment. (is he ever! 😉 that sounds like a story i need to hear sometime, lady. hopefully over a margarita when you finally make it out to LA! thanks for reading!
Haha! Gotta love that guy’s hit-or-miss attitude!
He sure knows women… which actually makes me a little sad for him. I once got a “OK, let’s cut to the chase here…” after a (seemingly long) 5-minute conversation at an LA bar. I mean, why can’t most women just roll with it? Oh… yeah… cuz it’s IMPOSSIBLE… 😉
LMAO OH … MY … GOD. ‘oh, no no, I mean make love, or whatever you call it. Just tell me what you call it, if I call it that you’ll be all OH OKAY, I misunderstood, you meant MAKE LOVE so let’s do it! jesus christ. Is he really that socially inept or just so egotistical he doesn’t really try.
XD XD XD I’m sorry, they guy’s a complete dick and ‘not a bad guy’ isn’t the same as being a good one. It wasn’t a date to him, it was barely tolerated social interaction before sex. He wanted sex, that’s it. You probably could have shown up at his house and said ‘let’s do this’, he would have been fine. His whole attitude is gross. He asked, you said no, he sputtered some B.S. as if you were too stupid to understand his ‘true intentions of L♥V, you made it painfully clear NO and he still tried to suck your face? CREEPazoid. Do you think he couldn’t read your signals, or he just didn’t care?
People who can’t read signals, well, it can get ugly. People like that think if you’re nice and especially if you meet them out, it means you want them. They expect more. If you act like they’re crazy (which they are) they become frustrated, confused, blame YOU, and sometimes really, REALLY angry. That’s the guy who calls you a whore when you reject them. That’s the stranger in the bar who hits on you regardless of how you respond, unless you literally say NOT INTERESTED, PISS OFF, and still maybe won’t stop. It’s a DANGEROUS world we live in, sister.
That’s a grown man, not your problem, you probably offered him a ride because you felt bad for saying no, which is how normal good hearted people feel – but believe me, it didn’t hurt his feelings, he doesn’t HAVE. He probably walked back to the bar after you left anyway.
Please promise everybody and yourself that you will be MORE CAREFUL.
thank you so much for this! it was a walk down memory lane to revisit my old life. i’ve come a long way! 🙂 thanks again for reading!